Title taken from /r/hapas as this is a difficult one to categorize.
This displays that immense racism that White men who like Asian women seem prone to displaying, meaning that many biracial Asians are at high risk due to the fact that their own fathers are exactly the type of white male to embrace racism against Asians – given that white men go for Asian women on the implicit belief that Asian women like white men and everything that they are.
Dear Dr. Derald Wing Sue,
I grew up with a very, very, aggressive and volatile father. Very scary!
As a boy it felt like all the egg shells from all the egg rolls made in all the Chinatowns in all the worlds were scattered all around inside our house and I had to tippy-toe around them for years so as not to set him off.
But guess what, Dr. Sue?!! I survived! And guess what, Dr. Sue? Just between you and me … I hated living with him … but that was my fate, so I had to make the best of it and adapt and develop coping mechanisms.
And after all those years of being on the receiving end of certainly debilitating aggression, Dr. Sue, I think there’s something wrong with me because I can laugh at almost anything and be happy and I feel like the most well-adjusted person on the planet (except for times of brain chemical imbalance when I’m depressed, usually in the winter, but that’s from my mother and she was the opposite of aggressive! Strange, huh?!)
Dr. Sue, my wife is Japanese so our son is half-Asian (no kidding, huh?!? Haha! Dr. Sue, you have a pretty good sense of humor! Oh, I didn’t mean anything by that. Sorry!)
Anyway, one day my wife was driving our son and his three Jewish friends to their lacrosse practice. My wife comes home and tells me, “Wow, those Jewish kids really know how to talk! Max couldn’t get a word in! No wonder they’re so successful. They have really good language skills.”
Dr. Sue, I told her, “Yeah, well, Max will have to learn how to get his two cents in. And some of their skills will rub off on him. He’ll learn from them.”
(Dr. Sue, I can’t talk to save my life so I can’t teach him how to talk! Thank God these boys can step in for me and fulfill this fatherly function, no? My dad never talked to me. He only yelled, so I don’t know how to do it!!!)
But Dr. Sue, after watching your video (very good acting! Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean anything by that) now I’m very concerned.
Maybe those boys were microaggressive?! Maybe my wife’s reaction was microaggressive? I don’t know! I’m so confused, Dr. Sue!
I’m only familiar with the really, really scary form of macroaggression I grew up with. I’m not familiar with these new subtle microaggressions. Are they really as bad as you say? I’m scared, Dr. Sue. Do you think all this microaggression that’s killing our son will mean he’ll grow up and have no sense of humor? Oh, God, Dr. Sue, please tell me that’s not the case!
Dr. Sue, you like the movie, “The Graduate”?
Dr. Sue, one day when I was about 10, I was standing on the end of our pool diving board, watching my dad swim laps of breaststroke below. Dr. Sue, I wanted to know if he was capable of just one tender Hugh Beaumont moment with me—no aggression.
Dr. Sue, I asked him how our German Shepherd, Heidi, had puppies with that boy German Shepherd they brought over one day. (I already knew the answer, Dr. Sue. I just wanted to see what he’d say.)
Dr. Sue, without missing a stroke as he swam, he barked out, “They f*cked.”
Dr. Sue, that was kind of aggressive for a Hugh Beaumont moment, wasn’t it? Not good English! I was disappointed, Dr. Sue. I realized then that it was hopeless. I realized he’d never talk to me like my friends’ fathers talked to my friends or the way those fathers on TV talked to their boys. Oh, Hugh Beaumont!
What? What did I do then, Dr. Sue? I don’t know. I don’t remember. I probably went over to my friend’s house across the street to play. Dr. Sue, was it wrong of me to just move on, live and learn, and just make the best of things?
Dr. Sue, now I’m all grown up and a father. I’m so different than my father. My kids aren’t afraid of me and they seem happy and well-adjusted and seem to love me. Dr. Sue, they each have a great sense of humor about life and its setbacks. (Sorry, I encouraged that. I admit it, Dr. Sue.) Yep, always joking. You should hear them laugh at their mother’s English!! Japlish!! She laughs about it, too! Oh, sorry, Dr. Sue. I forgot. You think life isn’t anything to laugh about. But … but … Dr. Sue. That’s how I survived. I learned to just laugh at things.
Dr. Sue … now that I know parenting is part art and part science, and my kids are all happy, I wonder … Do you think my father was some kind of parenting da Vinci? Dr. Sue, do you think he saw the future and was planning this outcome all that time… part art and part science?!
Haha! Dr. Sue, Just kidding!!! (Oh, man. You’re so serious, Dr. Sue. No fun in your life, or what?)
No, Dr. Sue. He didn’t plan it. He was too busy being aggressive.
I made it come out this way, Dr. Sue. It wasn’t easy.
I’d never ever want to go through all that again, Dr. Sue. It was hard. Really, really hard, Dr. Sue.
I just wish there had been an easier way to toughen myself up.
I wish he had just named me Sue.