I write this with the intent to help anyone who is in a relationship with an Asian or half-Asian man, since I myself have met hypocritical racism from men who have dated Asian women, who would mock me for being Asian.
Combined with a broken home, racism from both sides – this affected my life trajectory to the point that I’ve spent 10 years playing detective on my identity, seeking the “Holy Grail” of Half Asian identity.
Strangely, these couples, composed of an Asian woman and a non-Asian man, have been known to attack Asian men / non-Asian women, and this might seem curious to you. Obviously there is a trend of racist non-Asian men who seek out Asian women as a last ditch on their masculinity.
Society mostly looks down on Asian males being in relationships with non-Asian (or even Asian) women, while turning a blind eye to Asian women. Humorously, in the 1910’s and 20’s, it was inversed; with Asian men being sexualized and Asian women stereotyped as cutthroat (see the picture above – yeah, I know it’s yellowface). Society also seems to make light of the fact that there are unbalanced interracial marriage statistics – thinking this is just a “funny” testament to the worthlessness of Asian men.
On paper, there’s not much to this. The stereotype is Asian men have “small dicks,” and are “misogynistic.” Nowadays, pretty much all representation of Asians is of the women, with men (including half-Asian men) being portrayed, for whatever reason, negatively – which will have consequences on the children. We even have women who take positions of prominence, and use it to attack Asian men, now that they’ve successfully “integrated.” This is to ensure, unbeknownst to non-Asians, that Asian women are able to integrate without scrutiny to power structures, while making it seem like it’s Asian men’s fault. E.g., ultra right wing agenda under the guise of a left wing camoflauge.
There’s more to it than that, which is delving into socio-psychology and cultural mindsets.
Asian women, for the most part, are unfortunately encouraged to be pragmatists who will take the opportunity to feel “beautiful”; i.e., join the winning team. They even encourage their half or full Asian daughters to do this, hence, they also encourage their sons or daughters to identify as the white. Their views on sexuality and love are essentially non-existent (women in my family all admitted this to me regarding their white husbands), which is why we:
A) Have so many unattractive men with Asian wives (as a last ditch) who conversely hate Asian men.
B) Many racist men, intimidated by white women’s sexual proclivities – seek “asexual” Asian women as a safety net. (I.e., she won’t bang a black man if she won’t bang anyone).
C) Many of these same men wind up in dead bedrooms with an extreme aggressive, rude Asian wife, and thus lash out.
These women also seek to avoid Asian men, because “some” Asian men have a culture of cheating, primarily as a result of C) (lack of sex). This leads to a culture of Asian mothers and women attempting to desexualize, abuse, and marginalize Asian men, including their own sons, half or full. Add a racist white dad to the mix and you have millions of damaged Hapas.
Which brings us back to another harsh reality, which I have noticed; D) that half-Asian (who look more Asian) and Asian men, unchained by their mothers, oftentimes win the interest of very attractive non-Asian women, who then go on to have a healthy, happy, and physically intimate life. This in turn earns the anger of society – in some cases, the half-Asian children of WMAF couples, or WMAF couples themselves, who, being last ditch, asexual pragmatist relationships – hate the only thing that reminds them of how bad they really are.
There. Sex and race in 500 words or less.