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“So I have been reading your posts lately and relate to them 100%. I’m eurasian as well. My mother asian wanted to marry a white wealthy man and have offspring. To her disappointment she had 3 daughters – not exactly “white” and my father became schizophrenic. My mothers failed dream lives on as resentment with her 3 daughters.”
“It’s a common behavioural pattern for asian women who are with white men to want a daughter, a mixed daughter who will in future generations marry white so the asian side can be completely eradicated.
Having a son puts a mixer into things – the inferiority complex of such white men means that she doesn’t want asian blood, for example that of her mixed son, to “infect” white women.
I do wonder if asian dads with a white mother for his mixed daughter have the same level of racial contempt.”
“I am mixed as well, more so than you, and I also share your ambivalence about women of color dating white men. However, I would like to point out that this phenomenon speaks equally of self-hatred as it does about rejecting men of your own race. Further, I understand your anger towards you mother for her choices, however that anger seems disproportionately directed at her, rather than more at your dad who equally rejects white women because he buys into both wrong stereotypes about bitchy white women and submissive Asian women.
From age 5 to about age 30 I also wanted to die. The underbelly of being of mixed ethnicity and culture is feeling that you do not belong. On top of that I am a TCK, which just added to the sense of otherness. I was able to heal enough to move forward in my life and cope better with the feelings of displacement, I hope you too work through this and come out on the other side. At the risk of sounding trite, I will say that finding a way to forgive your parents is key.
Lastly, I encourage you to Google the term “Culturally Homeless” it was a concept that help me frame my situation and feel less like a freak and understand what I was feeling was a natural reaction to my life and not a sign of being broken. Actually the section on Identity in the Wikipedia page about TCK has as good of an explanation as any. Here is the link:
Very illuminating. I’m a Eurasian military baby–son of a white Navy sailor dad and Filipina mom. Dad’s conservative and dominant, mom’s submissive. Lot of the racial issues you bring up, and emasculating of the Eurasian son. Just add to that the fact that I’m a young gay guy. And imagine how that’s shaped my personality.
Your blog makes it seem like all Asian women who marry white dudes hate Asian men and prefer white men for their appearances.
Above I was making the point that it’s not necessarily the woman hating how Asians look that drives her to a white man but really feeling inferior for not looking like Fan Bingbing or who Chinese see as desirable. If she looks the opposite of Fan Bingbing, let’s be honest, a white man is going to give her kids a good chance of having those big eyes and white skin that she doesn’t have.
Also a good amount of Asian women are gold-diggers. To think that all of them with fat bald men prefer them over Asian men for just their skin colour is crazy talk.
White-worship is a really just an extension of what many Asians hold as the ideal beauty standard even apart from Western influence-bigger eyes are better, lighter skin is more desirable. If you’ve been to Asia, if you talked to your mom or been in touch with your Asian side you would know that. An Asian woman influenced in such a way by her own people (it’s “made in china” so to speak) is doing what’s absolutely natural, especially if she herself isn’t deemed pretty by her own family, in marrying a white man.
I find your website, interesting….
I don’t buy the “love is colourblind” nonsense either. The disproportionate number of white female/black male and white male/asian female pairings, as opposed to white female/asian male and white male/black female ones is empirical evidence that their claims of colour-blindness is pure rubbish. Yet despite the undeniable, statistically indisputable fact of this, no one wants to face up to it, or work out, what is really going on.
But it has real implications on real people. Your perspective reveals something I’ve suspected, but never quite heard (because it is politically incorrect to say so), that interracial pairings create moral problems and hurt people. Women and men are choosing partners to produce children, where the children are people they would not normally be attracted to.
It is also interesting that the situation you have with Asian women is a direct corollary to that with black men and white women. They deliberately reject black women for a white (usually blonde, light woman), but then have daughters who resemble the women that they rejected. That black man is producing a daughter who he would normally not look at. That Asian women is doing the same, but to her son.
how can a hapa guy hope to be emotionally healthy when his own parents relationship and even his own existence as a hapa man is a living constant reminder of his inferiority in society’s eyes??